What the Hell Is Age Appropriate Dressing?

Photograph courtesy of Absolutely Fabulous 

“Women have only two ages – girlhood and womanhood.”  Christian Dior 

In an era when grandmothers  wear bikinis,  perceptions of ageing are evolving   and being a grown-up doesn’t mean you have to abandon frivolity, what exactly is age–appropriate dressing ? In print and online there are myriad experts chastising women about what they should and shouldn’t be wearing after their 40th birthday - the dictates are delivered with zealous certainty : “No minis after 40”, “No sleeveless dresses post 50” and “No flesh north of 60”. But is any of this  appropriate or even relevant to women who are fit, financially independent and managing  personal lives and careers with confidence ? How many of these condescending lectures are addressed to men of the same age?  Precisely - none. 

While none of us can turn back time, focusing  on the gains of maturity rather than the loss of lustre is a far more positive approach. As Coco Chanel observed: “ At forty women used to exchange youth for elegance, poise and mysterious allure, an evolution that left them undamaged .” 

Now coming to the end of my 40s, I didn’t change anything dramatically about how I dressed throughout that decade, and I don’t intend to do dowdy, matronly clothes facing into my 50s. If anything as I age I am realising that pieces that are too classic, worn head to toe can be ageing. Edgier, more colourful or even slghtly dramatic pieces can add a lift and inject a glow. What I increasingly look for when dressing are modern, clean pieces with a twist or interesting detailing  -  a combination of comfort and coolness is my desired result.

Anything too co-ordinated or considered looking is immediately ageing in my opinon. I want to look interesting but also as if I have put the entire look together effortlessly. My own style heroines are women who exude quiet confidence and also an easy elegant sophistication – Phoebe Philo, Sharon Stone, Linda Rodin, Ines de la Fressange and Lucinda Chambers all look contemporary and chic – they dress in an intelligent, polished and relaxed style that also has room for a little humour or subversion. As Diana Vreeland said: “A little bad taste is like a nice splash of paprika. We all need a splash of bad taste—it’s hearty, it’s healthy, it’s physical.”

Being  too tasteful can be counter-effective as you age – looking distinctive, often comes with wearing artistic, bomemian  labels that exist slightly outside mainstream fashion and trends. Bland good taste can age the wearer rapidly – more daring colourful pieces add spice.  Don’t fall into the habit of of wearing only classic colours – navy, black , beige  or dowdy pastels.  Colour is so imprtant to our complexions as we age. Having been a disciple of the dark side in my 20s and 30s I have realised in my 40s how much colour can inject life and radiance into fading skin tone and lift hair and eye colour. If you are nervous of colour then add it through your accessories.

Having said all that, I do think there are some things that are immediately ageing . These include clothes that are too tight, too short, too gaudy or too glittery, too many accessories, too much heavy make-up and pieces that are overtly girly. But these can be just as unflattering on someone in their 30s as their 50s. It is time sisters to consign plaits, bows, frills, cutie prints and lacy white fabrics to the annals of girlhood.

 For me, one of the advantages of being a “grown up” is that I have evolved a signature look that I love and feel comfortable in. It is distinctly mine, it flatters me and reflects my personality. I am quite happy now to channel sensuality rather than overt sexuality in my dress (not that I was ever a major fan of cleavage and acres of flesh).  But don’t forget either that a small sliver of bare skin can still be very seductive – bare ankles courtsey of 7/8th trousers, exposed wrists peeking out of bracelet length sleeves and bare shoulders are all retain their allure and add a youthful feel.  

By now, I hope I have learned relevant life lessons and acquired a smattering of wisdom. If you know yourself,  want to reflect who you are,  your lifestyle, body-shape and budget  then you are damn well entitled to dress exactly as you see fit. By focusing on yourself and what you need from your clothes rather than passing trends, then you can ignore the superfluous and focus on your priorities. You also learns the art of disguise after years of dressing your own body, it’s a matter of trial and error but the basic aim  to accentuate your assests and negate the less flattering parts of your body can be best understood and applied by yourself. You have an internal individual compass, so trust it and learn to use it.    

Neither is it true, that as we age, we should outgrow our interest in clothing and grooming.  An interest in fashion and a healthy IQ are not mutually exclusive  concepts – glamour is an invigorating and life-enhancing force not be underestimated. When I think of older stylish women, I see that great style endures into older age – Diana Vreeland, Charlotte Rampling,  Iris Apfel, Audrey Hepburn all appear as striking in their later years as they did in their youth, if not more so. They honed a personal dress code and then tweaked and refined it throughout their lives. 

One of the things that renders a woman attractive as she ages is a sense of confidence. You may lose your collagen, your eyesight, and even your hair colour, but in their place you will hopefully have cultivated knowledge,  a sense of humour, kindness and an intrinsic sense of your self-worth. There are entire industries devoted to making women unhappy and dis-satisified with their ageing bodies – all the better to sell them  stuff to “fix” their perceived problems. What if we could defy the culture of sadness around ageing and instead re-claim maturity as an acheivement. Age is just a number  - what is most defining about anyone is their energy, lifestyle and personality. What is wrong with adulthood? Age doesn’t have to mean you become matronly, traditional or boring.  Self expression though clothing remains life affirming and if a little superficiality lifts your spirits, go for it - it  shows that you haven’t “given up” on  life or yourself.   

Beauty and glamour can brighten the banality of mundane everyday life and should be indulged without guilt, because we also realise that it never defines us entirely.  Life is differnet for everyone  - there is no one size fits all solution to dressing for your middle years but my personal list of essential items would include:

A stylish face flattering haircut – cheaper than a face-lift
A well tailored black or navy blazer – everyday armour
A statement coat – a good coat makes an impact and covers a multutude 
Trench coat – the ultimate in sexy rainwear
Leather jacket -  never too old for a little rebel chic, it doesn’t have to be black 
The perfect pair of jeans  - choose  for your body-shape and height 
Flattering tailored trousers – well fitted trousers are practical and empowering 
Versatile dresses – sleeves optional depending on how you feel about your arms
A leather pencil skirt – sleek, polished and a little bit subersive
Cashmere knitwear – the warmest and most luxe natural fibre
Boyfriend cardi – cosy, casual and sexy 
Whites shirts –  crisp complexion boosters, men’s are usually better quality 
Striped Breton t shirts –  instant  French chic 
Silk blouses and camisoles – silk is seductive, cool in summer, warm in winter. 
Flat shoes that you can run about it – ballet pumps, brogues, slides  - you choose
Classic black courts – because sometimes the classic option is the best
Shoes with and edge to add personality to basics – colourful, sparkly, satin etc
Sneakers  - sport luxe or simple Adidas 
Knee high boots – a winter staple 
Good quality opaque tights – allow you to still show some leg  
 Flattering underwear/lingerie  - underpinnings are your foundation 
Oversized sunglasses – to cultivate an aura of mystery and keep wrinkles at bay
An investment bag – choose quality over brand – can even outlast relationships  

You can edit this core wardrobe and add more trend-led or fashionable elements seasonally to add variety and a contemporary edge.

You may not be able to have eternal youth but you can be eternally stylish.





   

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